When the void hangs up..
04/17/25
4Chan is down. I know why and how, you probably know why and how, and I'm not going to go on and on about why and how. This isn't really about that, it's about me - as many posts will be on this selfish little masturbatory blogsite. At least until I get bored and start reviewing movies or something. Some time after I've gotten a lot of stuff off my chest.
It meant something to me. It was important to me. You might laugh, scoff, or mutter 'good riddance' in response to the news. On some level, I can't blame you. The reputation of 4Chan and its users has been poor. But it MEANT something to me, as sad as it sounds. To level with you anonymously, an activity that will now be sorely missing from my life, I didn't have anyone else to talk to outside of the userbase of my home boards. Some time a few years back, I moved away from my friends and family. I'm living in the middle of nowhere, a huge change of pace from the breakneck city life. I hadn't anticipated that I'd have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and nobody to talk to for most of my life here. I sit in my room alone, usually at night, and I sulk alone. My friends don't really talk to me anymore, they all have their own unique reasons at once. New parters, always busy with work, blah blah blah. Not that I don't believe them, but they aren't very nice to me when we *do* have time together - something that grows more and more rare as I rot away in this isolation. It's essentially solitary confinement, but I have a really rad PC so that's my way to work and keep myself from going crazy. Admittedly, I struggle with both. Anyways, the 4Chan part. I promise that's going somewhere.
4Chan was my only social outlet, is what I was saying. Your choice of social media sucks, I could never make it there. I have sort of a misanthropic mindset that I can't turn off anyways. I probably have some sort of resentment for you, reading this, because of how annoyingly normal you are. It's a pretentious and mean voice in my head that I can't turn off even though I try. It flares up really badly when I scroll through what would probably be called 'normie' sites like Twitter, Tumblr, Istagram, all that. If I don't like people, and I'm scared of not being liked (as I presume my friends don't like me) then anonimity was sort of a paradise for me. It really sucks that the only thing discussed about the removal of 4Chan is that everyone's just "glad it's gone" and all that. It salts the wound. It was a nice place to be, if you can stomach it and avoid theparts that suck. All of the good stuff about being online, and none of the garbage that you people shovel onto my feed. Beyond that, every social site has too many downsides to me. I could go into them all, but I'm already expecting that zero people on this entire planet will read this pity party I'm throwing myself. But you know what? That's what this site is gonna be. Half pity party and half film review. I'm not sure. This is "Visual Horror Society" your new least favorite place for media analysis AS WELL AS The Deflower Garden where I rant about suicidal ideation until I'm detained without consent for my own wellbeing.
I'm going to be talking more in-depth about my extreme isolation and the specific ways it has affected me (I haven't told anyone a lot of it), but this post is already quite text heavy and not very focused on its topic. I guess something about the source code of this website makes my mind race eagerly as it takes in the feeling of maybe finally being heard. I guess my next random three hip-shots of things I could say are like.. 1.) Bring back Surge, the soda I mean. 2.) Devi McCallion is underrated, and I wish she would be my friend. 3.) The worst part of struggling with mental health is an awareness of yourself the whole time you're tweaking. I feel utterly embarrassed as I'm thoroughly aware of what's going on with me, but helpless to it entirely. My autism, my depressive episodes, and the whole C-PTSD thing that I don't talk about that much. I don't know how to approach anyone about getting help. I tried and failed a lot in the past and I feel like I'm not close enough with anyone to be open about it anyways. Think of it like this; if I only talk to you once every so often.. why would I aim to complicate that further? Chances are, by the time we're talking, I'm just desperate for what familiarity of connection there is. A sucker punch like this could change our dynamic. I don't want that.
To the one person who has been there for me in all of this, I love you. Thank you. You worry you don't do enough, but you have done the most out of anyone in my life right now is doing. If you think this is about you, by the way, it's probably not. Sorry.
I am Evil Eye, and thanks for reading. Sorry I didn't finish the site as of this post, I've been depressed and fixated on Dunkin energy. They got this Peach flavor, it's CRAZY. I call it 'peach yummers' but most of you are haters. You'll think that sucks. It doesn't. It's wicked cool.
